woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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