just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize