I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
