Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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