It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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