dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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