Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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