i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
