loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
