I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
