i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
