im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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