I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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