his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
