so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
