I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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