How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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