He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
