she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
