Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
