drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize