So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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