i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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