I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
