My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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