like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm just crazy horny about you
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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