I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
