You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize