Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
