drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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