I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
