But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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