we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
