Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
