Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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