Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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