My nipple is on Facebook.
Small penises have feelings too.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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