She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
