so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
