Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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