batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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