I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize