I can tuck mytits in my pants
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize