do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
