I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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