I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i need some magic done to my vagina
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
