yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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