We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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