Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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