Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
