You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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