Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
