Where is the hickey?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
