i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
