I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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