He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You have to summon your inner elephant
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
