umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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