Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
