this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
