Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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