Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize