My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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