When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
