Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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