I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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