I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
