Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
