I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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