My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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