I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦â€
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
