She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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