i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
