I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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