I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
