The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Less talking, more tequila
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
