Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
handjob tips. give me some.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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