he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
