went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
