Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
