i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
