omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
