Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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