I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
