I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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