I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we're making bets on your personal life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
