walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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