sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize