i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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