you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
