So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
