if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
