I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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