Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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