chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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