I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
