He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
