woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
