Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
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