If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
