did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize