i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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